Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

I just vant to be alone!

For the last few days, I have eschewed the company of other humans. As I look back, it began when I returned from a visit to my daughter and son-in-law. Although I really needed to go to the gym, run errands and buy groceries, I found myself holing up in my house and making do with what I had. The feeling really came to a head when I had to argue with myself over going dancing tonight, and even when I was exiting the freeway, I started wondering if I had the right day. As has happened before, I knew that if I gave in to my inner desires, I’d kick myself afterwards for not going (not to mention the slew of texts I’d receive asking where I was). Once there, I was ok for awhile, took care of a little unpleasant business (humbling myself to offer an apology isn’t on my list of top ten most enjoyable activities) which went better than I’d expected. I visited a little, danced a little, even got a few laughs in, but by 9:00, I was more than ready to go home!

Interestingly, the more I want to avoid people, the more my cats feel the need to be close. At the moment, I have one on top of the printer, one on the other chair and one on the desk, while another is sitting in the doorway. Clearly, I’m in need of a lot of supervision when I’m feeling like being alone!

There’s no place like home!

The moment I pulled into my garage and closed the door, I felt an immense sense of relief come over me. It’s as if my energies were feeling very uncomfortable having to share space, and even the space in my car wasn’t empty enough to suit them. After an hour with just the cats as company, I’m a lot calmer, but by no means, feeling settled.

Part of the problem; or maybe a symptom of the problem (which came first?) has been, not only weird dreams, but weird visions during my daily meditations. Yesterday, they were so unsettling that I felt completely out of sorts for the rest of the day, which made me more annoyed, as a meditation is supposed to be relaxing! Yet, standing under running water isn’t helping, stroking a cat is helping, but minimally. I am thinking I may need to brave the heat to stick my hands in the dirt, at this point.

Knowing that I tend to sense energy shifts a day or two ahead of the rest of the world, I’m tempted to ask if I’m alone in this feeling of being unsettled and restless, though it’s likely that if it is going to affect others, it might be a couple of days before it happens. I was able to roust myself to get a few things done, though, today, which I hadn’t been for the last three, so I guess that’s progress. With luck, I’ll even get my errands run tomorrow! I’m getting tired of cobbling together meals!

If nothing else, all this solitude is giving me time to work on finally finishing my book. Although I’m down to about ten pages left to edit, I keep feeling like I’ve left something out, so I’ll be coming through the whole thing as soon as I finish the ten pages. I need to make sure that anything I alluded to was eventually created or explained. I can see why some authors use story boards. At least the details are kept somewhat organized. Sadly, my brain is more creative when I don’t put it into a neat little box.

I downloaded some more e-books over the last week, and I have to say that all of the time I’ve spent editing my own book has ruined me for other authors. I am appalled at the blatant errors which get through the publishing process. One of the books I downloaded, by Nora Roberts, even had sentences which just didn’t make sense! Words were misspelled or left out, or the wrong word was printed. I am going to have to be a veritable fiend about the quality of my own efforts!

At any rate, I didn’t come here tonight to whine and complain, and I sincerely hope this weird and disturbing energy is isolated and not affecting the rest of the world, or there could, by tomorrow, be some serious road rage!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a place to vent when my mind is racing and things aren’t making sense.
2. I am grateful for having the sense to go dancing even when my mind was screaming at me to stay home.
3. I am grateful for friends who make me laugh, no matter how sour I might feel.
4. I am grateful for the things I did accomplish today. Something is always better than nothing!
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, happiness, harmony, joy, health and prosperity.

Namaste

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