Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

I’ve been feeling really drained and tired the last couple of days, and the reason finally became clear.  I’ve been allowing myself to get pulled into stuff I have no business giving my attention to on social media, and realized that it has to stop.  Though I’m honest enough with myself to realize that I won’t avoid social media entirely, I can commit to passing on having it open 24/7, checking in from everywhere I go, and, in general, just being less connected overall.  I still have ways for the people who are important to me to get in touch, so I don’t feel like I’m really going to lose much by being less available.

Meanwhile, the time I’ve been spending monitoring my accounts will be put to much better use on things like writing, studying and the constant battle to keep my environment decluttered.  In fact, I feel as if the energy blocks I’ve been experiencing, both mental and physical, are directly attributable to the direction I’d allowed myself to be pulled.  My initial actions, therefore, have been to remove posts which convey the wrong message, and to apologize for the words I misspoke.

Last week, before I started my downward spiral, I made excellent progress on clearing out Heather’s old room.  What’s left needs to be sorted, either put away, thrown away or re-homed.  I’ll then be ready to pull up the linoleum and do some some serious scrubbing.

I look around my house and yard and think “I need to do such and so”  but never manage to get around to it because I’m putting too much time and energy into things which don’t matter and, in fact, might even be harmful to me and others.

I’m sure I’m not alone in being occasionally drawn into things which really don’t matter in the overall scheme of things.  I do tend to take it too far at times, until I’m mired in a lot of negatively charged topics at the expense of both my ideals and my purpose.

Thankfully, I have friends who have divergent beliefs, ideals and ways of life who remind me, usually unintentionally on their part, to get back to what’s important and leave the cow poop behind me!  Adding to or creating drama on Facebook is a pile of cow poop that would bring tears to the eyes of the Bandini execs!  I therefore will my share to them, that they can make much better use of it than I.    Vegetable garden, anyone?

Speaking of vegetable gardens, I hear that digging in the dirt is good for you on many levels.  As I start to complete those decluttering projects, reinstating the vegetable garden my daughter started a couple of times is high on the list.  I had followed some links to sites which sold organic (non Monsanto screwed with) seeds,  and can see some purchases along with a good book on organic gardening in my future.   Sadly, I failed to maintain the fruit trees I planted, so, as near as I can tell, only one, maybe two have survived.  The plum tree is thriving, though fruitless, as I gave it a good trimming, have done some weed abatement, and now water it regularly (putting the task on my weekly to do list helps!)  I hope to save the citrus tree if I haven’t left it for too long.    If either of the cherry trees, the apricot tree or the pluot tree are salvageable after my years of neglect, I will be incredibly grateful, but frankly, I don’t hold out a lot of hope right now.  I will be thrilled to be proven wrong on this one!

Recipe for growth: One part, setting of intentions, ten parts, gratitude

I’ve learned many useful things over the last few years, but the two which have borne the most fruit have been in publicly setting my intentions and remembering, always, to be grateful. I’ve also learned that as soon as I forget or spend more time complaining than being grateful, my world and everything in it begins to respond contrarily to what I desire. I experience more weird maladies and upset stomachs; clogged throats and headaches, until I wake back up and realize what I’m doing to myself, and, frankly, everyone around me, and stop sabotaging myself.

Although I don’t yet respond to an early warning system when I’ve gone off track, I do, eventually, get it, and redirect my energies. I’d like to believe that I’m getting the message sooner rather than later these days, but as I’m not exactly keeping score, I can’t really say. In the meantime, I am just grateful for an end to this episode of “As the downward spiral spins” and look forward to a long, productive period of gratitude, attention to intentions and productivity.

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for my friends whose selfless actions remind me when I’ve drifted into territory which conflicts with my goals and desires.
2. I am grateful for periods of negativity which remind me how much I appreciate being positive.
3. I am grateful for projects which would, if all undertaken, keep me busy and out of trouble for years to come.
4. I am grateful for the many opportunities I’m given to improve myself and the world around me.
5. I am grateful for abundance; love, joy, harmony, happiness, peace, productivity, health and prosperity.


I look forward to your comments.

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