Dancing outside my comfort zone

I’m going into the first of two eclipse weeks filled with energy, excitement and drive.  The cold has finished with me now, and I’m ready to hit the gym with renewed vigor.  Meanwhile, I’ve received the review of my first homework assignment for my copywriting class, and am excited about the fact that, though there were a few comments, most of what the reviewer said was extremely positive.  I’ll do the requested tweaks tomorrow, then go on to the next assignment awaiting my attention.  It’s really nice that we actually get to do things and have them reviewed so we can really tell whether we’re “getting it”. 

The goodbye party for the kids was fun and relaxing, though I know I ate waaaay too much!  Though they’ll be back and forth for a couple of weeks, we’re definitely getting our minds set to move into this next adventure.  Though they are the ones who are moving, it will be an adventure for me, not having my daughter right there if I need her or just want to hang with her.  But I have a lot to do in the coming weeks between my book, my copywriting class and my accounting clients (not to mention the continuation of the decluttering process on which I made some amazing progress this week!).

Of course, when there’s this much energy in my world, something has to suffer, and right now, it’s my sleep and meditations.  I find myself waking in the middle of the night, and unlike normal, having a tough time falling back to sleep.  Meditations are tough because my brain is far less willing to quiet for a little while, but still, I persevere. 

I talk about my book and the class with a lot of excitement these days, knowing that I’m really, truly, following my path now!  A lesser woman would be daunted by such small indications of progress, but I have learned over the years to really value those baby steps, because when they begin combining with other baby steps, the results are phenomenal!  Life is clearly bringing me new and exciting things, and I’m going to have to be on my toes, tennis player style, in order to respond quickly and efficiently to all that’s coming in the next few weeks!  Getting my house in order is certainly a huge part of being ready, and I’m so excited about the things I’ve finally taken off of my to do list this week!

It’s interesting to me that I’ve become a lot more organized, in some things.  In others, I still operate under the organized chaos method, but it all works.  Too much structure would drive me crazy, but enough to keep things in their places so I’m not chasing my tail seems to be a good thing.  And those happy mediums (and I don’t mean the psychic kind) are becoming more and more a part of my life.  I think, in part, it’s because I no longer have the structure of going to an office certain days of the week, so I needed to replace that external structure with an internal one.  The beauty of it is, it’s a really flexible structure right now.  I’m not locked into certain hours of the day, or even days of the week.  I know what needs to be done, and I have a window in which to do it.

More and more, people remind me that my words are, indeed, my art and give me hell when I say I’m not an artist.  It’s true that I can’t draw for beans and that a monkey could do a better job with a paint brush.  But I have to admit that painting pictures with words is surely artistic as well.  I really appreciate the fact that others recognize it, and are very quick to point it out if dare utter the words “I’m not an artist” even if, like today, it was completely accurate within the context of the conversation.

I see myself relying less and less on number crunching and more and more on word smithing as this year unfolds, and the thought brings me a great deal of joy.  I am, by now, completely convinced that I’m exactly where I need to be.  Even those days, and sometimes weeks, when I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much, still, I am doing what I need to be doing at the time.  There are just times when I need to let go and allow things to percolate without doing a lot with what’s coming in.  I know that ultimately, all of the pieces will come together. 

A friend posed the question today:  What would you do with a few million dollars?  There were some really amazing and altruistic responses, but mine went something like this, and I feel that it truly describes where I’m at:
I would pay off all of my debt, give some nice chunks to a couple of cat rescues.  Then I would buy a nice piece of property and build my dream house complete with great romping areas for my cats.  I would adopt some more rescues, as I would no longer have either budgetary constraints or the rules of a city to limit me, though I would have an arrangement which gave them an outdoor area as well as indoors, protected from predators and disease.  My dream home would have numerous places where I can sit and write, and would, I believe, also have another house or two on the property, but removed form the main house, where other artists might come for retreats. 

It’s always an interesting thought to ponder, and gives me a chance to remind myself of what my dreams are, envisioning them fully manifested, and grateful for all that has come to pass.  A friend and her husband are currently building their dream home in Arizona.  While the location isn’t what I’d choose, the house is gorgeous, and, when the time comes, I will probably ask her who the architect was that designed it.  I would likely not go for the elegance they’ve put into theirs, but might also do some things they haven’t.  We all have things which are important to us and are quite different from the choices of others, but we can certainly learn a lot from how other people put things together.

As my mind is beginning to spin through thoughts so quickly that nothing is going to come out in any sort of reasonable order, I’ll close this with my gratitudes (or at least a few as they are beginning to reach the point where they are endless!)

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a lovely day celebrating my daughter and son-in-law’s new beginning.
2. I am grateful for wonderful friends who continue to surprise me with their love and support.
3. I am grateful for opportunities which are coming, and I can’t even imagine them at this moment in time.
4. I am grateful for the energy which is building inside of me, and is bursting to come out and propel me into the new life I so recently embarked upon.  It’s a Disneyland kind of feeling!
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn, grow, and expand my horizons over the next years (I was going to say “few” but that really isn’t accurate!)

Love and life.

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