Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

I admit it!  I logged in a couple of times just to do a quick check on those messages in the little bubble.  You know the ones.  They say things like “2” or “25” or, in my case today, “35” and notify you of messages on things you wrote or are following.

I didn’t stay long enough to look at all of the wonderful, inspiring things I’m used to seeing every day, but I did log on.  In fact, once at about 10:30 last night, because I was afraid a friend might not have seen my off grid message (she did), and once this afternoon. 

I can’t believe how disconnected I feel!

However, I also didn’t spend two hours playing Bubble Genius and blow off the gym!  So far, I haven’t gotten much done, but at least, I’m not farting around on Facebook, right?  And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, which really is a good thing!

8:22 PM.  I caved.  I think it would have been easier if I had some kind of social interaction the day, but going to the gym with headphones in my ears, and one phone call from a friend/client are just not enough for this girl!  I guess I lied.  I really AM a people person.  I’m just picky about who the people are.

However, it was an interesting experiment, and maybe I just need to close it down when I go to bed at night, and not log in until I’ve accomplished a few tasks each day?  I appreciate the fact that I could learn something about my habits and go about making some positive changes, even if they’re not as drastic as I had planned.  I am seeing, however, that the feeling of being connected or disconnected is largely in my head as I’m not saying much or reading much right now.  But just being back is enough for now.  Clearly, logging off was, in fact, counterproductive to managing my time (with the single exception of not sitting here all morning and getting to the gym!)

I also realized that I need to go back to my late night writing, and will see if that helps my sleeplessness, crazy dreams and lack of progress.  I feel like a scientist, setting up and running experiments, even if mine have a limited population and virtually no controls. 🙂 

If nothing else, I had a day to re-look at some of the things I’m doing, and to realize that I need to re-instill some structure into my days because without a little bit of structure, I’m inclined to just let the day drift by without accomplishing much of what I need to.

At any rate, I believe that I’m guided to do things which may or may not seem logical at the time, but ultimately, they teach me something!  

Although the intent of the experiment failed, I truly believe that the experiment itself was a rousing success.  Glass half full, I suppose.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for opportunities to test theories and learn new things.
2. I am grateful for turning my brain back to it’s happier, more productive self.
3. I am grateful for my supportive, amazing friends, who are there, regardless of how goofy I might be behaving.
4. I am grateful for the constant supervision by my cats.  They seem to think I am not safe in a room alone, and that’s just fine with me.
5. I am grateful for opportunities to help others, no matter how big or small.

Love and light.

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