Dancing outside my comfort zone

daffodils photo: daffodils daffodils.jpgThis weekend at my A.R.T. class, my teacher gave me a birthday party.  She said that the new life I’m embarking upon is (and I’m not quoting her directly here) like being born into a new place.  So, essentially, it is a rebirth.  Interestingly, many other things I experienced this weekend point to that rebirth.  I saw daffodils in a practice session in which I was the recipient, and upon googling daffodils, my teacher found a page which described daffodils as signifying rebirth.

I also got a very strong picture of a giant redwood which had treehouses in the branches.  At first they seemed to be independent little worlds of their own, but later, I saw suspended bridges connecting them.  I believe this signifies my writing career and the stories I will tell.

Research into the redwoods yielded a lot of information, including the fact that they not only have new versions of themselves which can start quite a ways up the trunk, but that they also support an entire ecosystem in their boughs, far above the forest floor.  Again, I find the symbolism significant for me at this juncture in my life.

Although I have yet to pick my book back up since finishing the 50,000 word challenge last weekend, I will be continuing the habit of writing at least 2,000 words a day.  Though I was going to start tonight, I know that the weekends I have class are very intense, and not always conducive to letting my creativity flow.  Tomorrow will be soon enough, and will certainly be great once I get my office cleared as I’d like.

If all goes as planned, I’ll get up by 8 and, after coffee and a light snack of a breakfast, head to the gym.  Afterwards, I’ll get some grocery shopping done, then come home to start turning my office into a clear place to work.  There will definitely be smudging involved after my cleaning and organizing frenzy.  I want all of the energy to be clear for me to finish my first book and get it edited and ready to publish.

Unlike last night, I have no intention of staying up until 3 AM, though, once I’m back to my writing, I’m sure that will not be uncommon.  For the most part, I will be setting my own work hours which may or may not coincide with what the world sees as office job hours.  I never really fit into a niche, and now is definitely the time to live by my own timetable.  That means that I will no longer live my life according to a clock or to someone else’s idea of normal work hours.

I will work the hours I need to to get whatever is on my plate done.  If, some days, that is only 2 hours and others, it is 12-14, that’s what works for me.  For tomorrow, I’m inclined to ignore the phone and only answer email when it doesn’t conflict with my other plans for the day, but the one thing I don’t want to do is to become rigid in any way.  Rigidity and creativity are not a good mix!

I don’t know right now if I’ll work 10 hours doing accounting this month or 100, or somewhere in between.  What I do know is that the Universe is finally pleased with the direction I’m taking and will be right there with me (we are one, after all) to see me through wherever this takes me. I know that guidance will come when I need it, and when I don’t, my world will be quiet while I walk my path.

I realized today that I will likely not be ready to follow a path of healing when my A.R.T. class ends in June.  I need to pursue other education before I can truly become the healer I envision.  I have a feeling that some of that education will come in the form of research for books, and one of the topics I intend to pursue is Shamanism.

I might even try to grow something without killing it for a change.  The one thing I am not setting for myself is strict boundaries.  I want to be able to dabble in whatever I find interesting.  If I go on to actually do something with it, fine.  If it just becomes material for a book, well that’s fine too.

In short, I am finally giving myself the freedom, the permission,. to be whatever I want to be.  Tomorrow, I might be a fairy princess.  The next day, an astronaut.  Who knows?  The main thing is, I will have fun doing, imagining, being.  And that is truly what life is all about!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my A.R.T. class who helped me to realize that I was killing myself slowly, doing something that didn’t satisfy my passion.
2. I am grateful for my cats who are tuned into my new energy, and loving it.
3. I am grateful for the people who encourage me.
4. I am grateful for my ability to allow what I need to come to me.
5. I am grateful for the healing sessions which give me titillating glimpses of my own possibilities, and make me want to know more!

Love and light.

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