Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

I woke up this morning, feeling like I had increased my body awareness.  I’m not sure if it is because of the cranial-sacral session I had last night, but I found myself kind of checking in with what’s going on with my physical self.

First, I noticed that the spot of tension which seems to live on the right side of my middle back seems to be radiating both up and down.  My right shoulder, especially, is feeling quite tight, but I can also feel the tension in the hip area on my back.

I’m thinking that I have some sort of realignment going on which may take some time to settle in.

I also woke up feeling extremely hungry, but after going through my usual morning routine, the feeling passed.    (That’s not to say that I didn’t make fairly short work of the breakfast I brought with me to work!)

I also woke with the feeling that I’m already starting to disconnect from my job, but not entirely from my own actions and intentions.  Although I’m now jumping out of bed, ready to get moving and into the office, I’m getting feelings from my co-workers that they’re ready to just take over the tasks they will be assuming and that, to them, I’m already somewhat extraneous, at least with regard to tasks they feel comfortable assuming.

This may just be my own process of disconnecting, but the next few weeks (or 17 work days at this point) should prove interesting.  In the meantime, I will do a lot of organizing and clearing out of things which have accumulated over the nearly 6 years I’ve occupied this position.

After I typed that last sentence, it occurred to me that this, too, is part of the process of decluttering my life.  I’m letting go of a lot of things which are directly related to things in my life with which I’ve lived and which I’ve believed in for a very long time.  I’m realizing that some were part of my learning process, others were part of my survival, but are no longer necessary, and still others were simply a means to an end until all of the rest was in order for me to take the next step.

I find myself waking up with thoughts of my book running through my head.  Which part of the story will I take up with when I next start writing?  What direction will it take?  Bits and pieces will start forming, some to be filed away and used later, others discarded.  One such thought, this morning, struck me as too “Star Wars” and was quickly overwritten with an idea which, I believe, at least for now, will work better.  But as the story is coming out in its own way and time, it’s entirely possible that this morning’s scenario will never make it past the errant thought.

I also find, when I get up in the morning, that I’m anxious to sit down and write, even knowing that, for now, I have to take the time to write when I can get it, as I still have other responsibilities to fulfill, and they seem to keep piling up, the more I take on. 

As the day progressed, the tension in my back came to a head between 4 and 5 o’clock.  At one point, I was so knotted up that I sat back in my chair and just drew energy into my heart center, then sent it out to my neck, shoulders and back.  Now, at about 9:30, there’s still some tension, but it’s starting to release.  It seems to be centered in my neck and between my spine and my right shoulder blade.  (I’m sure my A.R.T. buddies are going to have a field day with this, but I hope they know that I appreciate their input!)

Had some good laughs with my manicurist/friend and I’m sure that helped to remove some of the tension in my back.  I still think that some of it has to do with last night’s session and is connected with the release of some energies.   As a result, I’m doing some of the energy exercises; bounces, heart centered charging of my own energies and such, to try to clear things.   I may try a “toilet flush” later tonight as well. 

With all of the kitties hovering around me, I am pretty sure there are some major energy releases going on.  The main thing is understanding that this is all part of the process I am going through to clear my own garbage and make me a good conduit for facilitating healing in others.  Until I have decluttered myself, I am not going to be very effective for others.

Overall, I’m finding that I feel pretty overwhelmed right now, trying to keep up with my writing assignment, getting things organized for when I leave my job (and that, alone, is certainly causing me stress, despite my best efforts to let the excitement over this change override the scariness of it).  My homework is still only partially done for this weekend, though the reading is mostly finished.  Although I’m on track with the writing, it’s not coming as easily this week, and I really want to get to the halfway point in the next day or two so that I’m ahead of the game before this weekend. 

And so I keep reminding myself:  One foot in front of the other.  That’s all you can do.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to have been introduced to A.R.T. at just the right time.
2. I am grateful for the courage to take leaps of faith…and to have faith in myself that I will succeed in the grandest manner possible.
3. I am grateful that I am close to the halfway point on my 50,000 word novel.
4. I am grateful for the continued love and support of my family and friends, even if they think I’ve lost my mind.
5. I am grateful that I am able to love and support my family and friends, giving back a little when they are all giving me so much!

Love and light

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