Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

This afternoon, after working hard all weekend, staying up way too late last night and working most of the day on the computer, I sat down in my meditation spot on the couch, put up the foot rest and put the red and white with black paw prints fleece blanket on my lap (for Munchkin, of course!) and settled in for what, in all honesty, was a nap.  Upon awakening, I had the following dream in my head, and will be doing some pondering as to its significance:

I was taking a class which required us to stand up in front of a large audience every week and give a speech we’d written.  Up to this point, I had pretty much been making things up as I went, using a piece I’d written for the week which was, typically, lighthearted and entertaining.  In short, speaking extemporaneously, using something I had written as the basis for my speech.

This particular week, we were giving our speeches on Thursday instead of Friday, as there was something going on for which our instructor wanted to be free.  Whatever it was had some significance, and, in fact, warranted a mention in my speech, but it is no longer appearing in my memory.

Instead of my usual fluff, I had written a piece which started out talking about how 90 people had been killed in Spain because the 22nd district had elected a woman to a high political office for the first time in their history.  I don’t profess to any historical or political accuracy to this dream, but am just reporting what I recall.

I went on to discuss the implications of a country in which people became riotous over a decision made by people in a single area.  There were further speculations as to how the woman would be received in the country’s all-male, senate-like body.

From there, I moved on to a discussion of how women are treated and viewed worldwide, how far we’ve come, and how far we have yet to go.  Ultimately, I ended the speech on a lighter note, typical of my usual offerings.

Although it’s not very clear, I get the feeling that our speeches were in some way, a competition, and that one of the competitors was one of my co-workers.

Up to the point in my dream when I woke up, I got the feeling that I was doing very well in the competition, despite my unorthodox speech writing methods and preference for extemporaneous speaking as opposed to following a pre-written text.  The audience we addressed liked my style and the topics I chose, and the teacher was giving me high marks.  Whether or not she realized that what I spoke was not a memorized speech wasn’t clear, nor did it really seem to matter anyway.

I also awoke feeling like there was some sort of purpose participation in this class was fulfilling, but have no idea what that might be.

Overall, though, I tended to speak in the same manner as I write; more stream of consciousness, addressing he audience directly, and including them in my overall experience.

The biggest question in my mind is this:  Is the dream some sort of prediction?  Is there going to be a time when I am, indeed, addressing audiences and talking to them about pieces (or whole books for that matter) I’ve written?  Definitely things to think about, as this is not something I would put at the top of my list of career paths for myself. 

Tonight, I received a link to a page that talked about activity vs. inactivity (and when you are actually doing both at once) which fit into my present state like a foot in a well-worn, comfy shoe.  The author spoke of our feeling like we need to get everything done at once, tick things off of our “to do” list, when, in fact, this is a time when things are not yet supposed to be completed, so, in essence, I’m making myself crazy for nothing.
 The way I read it, it doesn’t mean that we should get no tasks done, but rather, that when something stands in the way of completing a task, it’s there for a reason, and we should honor and respect it.  Meanwhile, it’s a good time for turning within, as I seem to have done this afternoon during my nap, and the dream is a result of the internal activity I was performing.

Because I’m me, that doesn’t mean I won’t still make myself crazy over the things I’ve yet to do, but I can be a little kinder to myself.  So tonight, I only fixed one meal for the rest of the week, although, thanks to Heather, my breakfast eggs are already done and in containers.  I will still need to make up three more bowls of fruit and three salads, and put half a chicken breast into each of two containers, but I’m going to try to just go with the flow a bit for the rest of the week.  I might even manage to get to two-step class this week!!!

But for now, getting to bed before midnight (even if it’s just two minutes!) is my only real priority for the moment.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for those reminders to slow down and not be so hard on myself.
2. I am grateful for the small accomplishments, just as much, if not more than for the large ones.
3. I am grateful for insightful dreams, whether or not I understand them at first.
4. I am grateful for the hearing that has returned to my left ear.
5. I am grateful for a little quiet time after working myself into a frenzy.

Love and light.

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