Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

So my reunion is just a few months off and, so far, I have not managed to lose the weight I’d regained since last year, much less, any more!  What this means is that either I’m going to have to tape my mouth shut and program my car to take me straight to the gym after work, or go shopping for a dress in a *shudder* larger size!  I finally just asked myself

Self, what is it that makes me continue to sabotage my own efforts?  What is blocking me from achieving my goals?”

Not that I expected an immediate answer, but with a little focus, I might be able to get to the bottom of this little dilemma and resolve it soon!

It’s not that I don’t love myself or see my own beauty.  Yet, for some reason, something inside of me is determined to keep part of that beauty hidden beneath a few extra layers. 

And it’s not just my weight.  I came home tonight, planning to do my hair, call my friend’s son about coming over with a couple of friends to help assemble the shed and empty the pod,  and work on my homework.  By the time we got my shed situated and finished helping my son-in-law get a job application scanned and sent, I ended up vegging on the couch with the cats and my iPad for an hour or so, then playing on the computer.  Needless to say, except for adding to my journal, nothing got done.  OK, so adding to my journal WAS part of my homework, but I still have a bunch of questions to answer, and that’s going to take time and lots of thought!! 

Did I drain my battery with all of the housework I did this weekend?  Am I continuing to drain it by being anal about keeping my kitchen floor clean (and with Scooby and Munchkin, my messy eaters, that’s a challenge in and of itself!)? 

On a brighter note, the galloping crud that settled into my throat and chest a week or so ago seems to be on its way out.  I haven’t needed cough medicine for a couple of days, and I consider that a major victory!  I’m sure the large, twice daily doses of Propolis aren’t hurting me a bit!  I love those bees!!!!

I guess, for now, I’ll just keep doing what I do, trying to get more sleep and at least starting the day with healthy meals!  Sometimes, it’s the little things we do consistently that bring about the changes we desire.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my son-in-law who is always there when I need him, and usually cheerful as well (except when they stay up all night playing video games with friends and he’s seriously sleep deprived!).
2. I am grateful for the return of my good health.
3. I am grateful for sunshine and blue skies and clear roads and green lights.
4. I am grateful for kitty cuddles and being purred to sleep at night.
5. I am grateful for continued improvement in the cleanliness and organization of my space.

Love and light

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