As I performed the mundane task of preparing comestibles for the first half of the week, it came to me why I had, at one time, been in the habit of writing my blog post after that task was complete.
Standing at the sink, chopping veggies and fruits, beating eggs, setting up the coffee pot and cleaning up between each stage gives me time to go back over my day, or, in this case, my weekend and pull out a few gems from what, in this case, was a pile of stones which were once a whole me. The Universe didn’t just give me headslaps. No! That would be too boring! This weekend, and, in fact, for the last week or so, it seems I was the Universe’s punching bag. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to endure the gleeful giggling which accompanied each *WHACK*!
But when all was said and done, I had the beginnings of a couple of plans, help coming from different directions (and yes, I’m finally learning to ask!), a better perspective and a renewed sense of purpose.
Sure, I’d have been happier if it hadn’t been such a painful process which, I am not naive enough to believe is over, but the resulting love and support are definitely worth the pain.
The empath in me got body slammed, the reactor in me took enormous effort to ramp down and although I’m still left with the firm belief that the city I live in is run by a bunch of bored, petty, power mad imbeciles, I’m all right with that as I just got another kick in the butt to move some things along, remodel-wise.
This weekend I learned that I need to add some additional parameters to the filter around my energy field. I learned that irritation between my daughter and me seems to be dissolving faster these days and that there are times, when all else fails, that I need to throw a big, black wall up between myself and people who should not be allowed to breach my energy field while behaving in a way which is potentially harmful to me.
The timing of our next A.R.T. conference call further reminded me that it will be ten years since my dad ended his life on the day of the call. That also means that it will be twenty years for my mom in December. It’s hard to believe they’ve both been gone for so long. In some ways, I have to admit that I’m grateful to not be going through what many of my friends are as they watch their parents’ health failing. On the other hand, there are things I was not able to share with them because they left so soon, despite the fact that the further I get into the process of clearing my own issues in preparation for becoming a successful healer, the clearer it becomes that they left at precisely the right time for them.
Had mom not been so fragile emotionally, she might have been able to embrace the energy shifts and maybe even been able to help others through the changes. Dad, on the other hand, was very earth bound, first chakra and would have just denied everything, regardless of what was right before his eyes. As for me, I can just let the love flow from me to their memories and spirits, free of anger, blame and hurt. There are still a few places where regret lives, but I suspect that by the end of the year I spend in training, I will have released that as well.
I left class today feeling bruised, battered, overwhelmed and weak. I ate some soy ice cream when I got home, found that plans to meet a bunch of people and go to a place where there would be even more people had been cancelled. Feeling no small sense of relief as I was going to force myself to go, if only for the change of scenery, I ended up with an evening at home with a friend, eating food we shouldn’t have and enjoying every bite! Surprisingly, just the soy ice cream and some kitty time were enough to start the healing process of the wounds acquired over the last week or so. Visiting with my friend and a call from my daughter asking if everything was ok did the rest. It really is the little things!
So, as I put the rest of my ducks in a row this week to handle what the Universe hurled at me, I am going to recognize and cherish all of those little things which keep me grounded.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the wonderful little things in my life.
2. I am grateful for the love of friends and family which are often expressed when I least expect it…and most need it.
3. I am grateful for the process I am going through, however painful, which will help me live my true purpose.
4. I am grateful for the increasingly frequent affirmations that I am on the right path, and that they are delivered not only when I’m faltering, but when I’m succeeding.
5. I am grateful for my cats without whom I might have just bounced right off the deep end more than once!
Love and light.