Dancing outside my comfort zone

Have you ever had one of those days when you knew you had a ton of things to do and it was all you could do to get one of them done?  Well, that was me today. 

I planned to get up early and go to the gym, get my grocery shopping done, then come home, pay bills, do laundry and get my homework done.

What have I done so far today?  I paid the bills, got one load of clothes in the washer and cleaned off my desk.  That’s it!

I still have the rest of the laundry to do and the same humongous pile of homework to get to, not to mention the grocery shopping!  What the heck is wrong with me?  Why can’t I get started?  As it is, everything else I try to do bores me yet here I sit, futzing. 

While I was getting ready to go grocery shopping, I found myself thinking:  “You sure are hard on yourself!  Why don’t you practice what you preach and focus on what you did get done???”

It was in that moment I realized that I did get some laundry done, cooked myself a healthy breakfast, cooked up the tray of stuffed bell peppers I got at Costco to use for lunches this week and paid the bills. Not only that, I’d had a very productive week to boot!

Too often, we focus on the things we don’t get done, completely losing sight of how productive we’ve actually been.  We beat ourselves up over the “nots” and ignore the many “haves”.  We remember to be grateful for outside factors, but forget to be grateful for our own accomplishments.  I think that’s what sucked out my motivation today.  I needed to do a little internal gratefulness to get myself back on track.  All I really needed to do was look at my nicely organized bathroom to realize how much I’d done in the past week! 

I then began to realize how much is getting accomplished every day.  Even those days like today, when I mostly just futz around, I still manage to get the kitchen cleaned up after myself, put away groceries and keep the wolves from the door.  After the crazy, manic day I had yesterday (aside from the wonderful two hours when I got a massage and some energy work), getting stuff for the kids’ anniversary, buying and putting away about three months worth of cat food and of course, dancing and visiting with friends, I realize that maybe I earned a less productive day!

Not only that, I’ll still get three days’ worth of meals put up in the refrigerator before bed, finish the laundry and set up the coffee pot for tomorrow.  Pretty good for an unproductive day!

Aside from all of this, I did take time to play with my energy today.  I started to meditate (and, as usual, though Munchkin was sound asleep on my bed, as soon as I put the fleece blanket on my lap, she was there!  Her hearing is unbelievable!) and pulled out some of my old relaxation exercises, feeling all of the places my body connected with the sofa.  Then I merged my own energy with that of the sofa.  Finally, I allowed myself to feel the connection with Munchkin and merged my energy with hers as well. 

I’m rather enjoying being able to merge and unmerge energies this way.  I’m also getting a kick out of moving energy balls through my body.  When they pass through my brain, I feel some resistance and then there’s a kind of stretching feeling as the energy ball continues through to the other side. 

I’m sure the cats are tuning into what I’m doing, as, when I sat on the couch to eat my dinner tonight, Dylan immediately jumped up and stretched out next to my leg, Munchkin got on my lap for snuggles, then squeezed in between Dylan and the back of the sofa, Loki curled up on the other side of Dylan and Toby climbed into my lap.  There are times, though, when I think that I am repelling them too.  Scooby, especially, doesn’t quite seem to know what to do with the weird things he’s feeling from me.  Sometimes, he wants to be really close and other times, he runs away.  He has always been a bit more high strung than the others, so maybe he just feels the energy differently.

At any rate, I still didn’t get any homework done, but I feel better about what I did with my day.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the little things I accomplished today.
2. I am grateful for the time I spent talking to people last night.
3. I am grateful for the discoveries I’m making as I practice working with my energy.
4. I am grateful for the connection I have with my cats.  They keep me grounded even when I’m struggling.
5. I am grateful for realizing that there are times I just have to be grateful for being me.

Love and light

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