Dancing outside my comfort zone

A friend of mine posted this for me today.  I find the words both inspiring and comforting and right now, I can use all of both that I can get!

I have decided that I must really be in a turmoil over something, as, whenever I closed my eyes last night and today, my vision was filled with a whole passel of something or other.  First it was white bunnies with pink edged ears.  Then it was little yellow ducklings.  By today, it was just a bunch of disembodied eyes, peering owlishly out at me. 

But at least I can say that going to the gym on my specified days has become, believe it or not, a truly welcome habit, especially after a really Monday kind of Monday!  I actually kind of dawdled through my workout tonight.  Heather hadn’t slept well and chose to skip the workout, so I was on my own.  I stuck my bluetooth in my ear, turned on my “Red Solo Cup” radio station on Pandora and went through my routine. 

Saturday’s workout had alerted me to the fact that I needed to increase the weight now, but even the 5 or 10 pound increases were only slightly more challenging than the old weight was last week.  Are my muscles remembering their former strength?  Is that even possible?  I’ve heard of muscle memory, but I don’t think that’s quite what they had in mind when coining the phrase.  But frankly, I’ll take improvement any way I can get it, and stronger muscles means that many more fat burning organisms in my body which will make it, and me by default, that much more efficient. 

While talking to co-workers today about the pool we formed to buy Powerball tickets, which, of course raises the question “what would you do if you won?”, I found myself saying, “All I really need is about 80 hours a month of side work billed at $100-125 an hour.  I’d spend the rest of my time writing!”  But I do have to take a moment to imagine the possibilities if I was fortunate enough to win my share of the $350 million plus.  Here are my top 10, not in any particular order:

1. Finish the remodel on my house and give it to the kids.
2. Buy another house for me that has all of the things I’ve imagined, or just have one remodeled to include it all!   (Maybe even the writer’s retreat I have been imagining lately)
3. Make a large bequest to Cat House on the Kings
4. Invest enough to keep me comfortable even if the remote possibility occurs and I don’t have a book or ten on the New York Times best seller list (not that I give this even a modicum of a chance!).
5. Set up a trust fund for Heather, Mathom and their future human children.
6. Join a writer’s group and attend workshops and conventions.
7. Take a trip to DC with the kids.
8. Make sure that I pay everything off and am debt free.
9. Hire a personal trainer to help get me back in shape more quickly.
10. Write, write, write, write write!

OK, so it isn’t overly extravagant or imaginative, but frankly, my needs are pretty simple.  I’m not one for expensive clothes, rooms full of shoes or pricey jewelry (in fact, wearing anything that’s too expensive just makes me nervous!).  I would just like the time and the space to do what makes me happiest.  My dream house would have to have a dance studio which would be used both for dancing and working out.  My cats would have rooms with lots of things to climb on and a catio where they could go to safely get some air.
I might have a second house in the mountains or a less populated beach town where I could go to be alone and write (although Dylan would have to learn to travel as he would have to go with me on at least some of my jaunts!)

But returning to the turmoil in my brain.  I’ve had to forcibly remind myself to stop making lists of things I need to do so my mind would stop going off on tangents.  Not that I’ve been wholly successful, but I was able to reign things in long enough to have a very nice, 40 minute meditation this afternoon.  (and surprisingly, my mind is calm, focused and much less active right now.  I’m not sure if it was from the exercise, the meditation or if things have finally settled into a more comfortable pace.)

I love reading Deb Dutilh’s blog as she always gives amazing advice.  Her recent post on lucid dreaming really made me sit up and think.  Many times, a dream just rambles on, and I find myself stepping outside of it and just observing.  It hadn’t occurred to me, at least until I read her post, that, at the point where I step outside of the dream, I can also take control of it’s direction, or demand clarification of the message the dream is supposed to impart.  Just think!  No more guesswork!  If the message isn’t clear, stop the show and demand a clear explanation of what is expected!  I can’t wait to give it a try!!!

Now that I’ve traveled from one end of the conversational spectrum to another (I did say that yesterday’s post was a gift, and it was also only the briefest of respites from the labyrinth I refer fondly to as my brain.) I will give my wonderful readers a break and bring tonight’s ADHD experience to a blessed end.  (although I do want to exclaim joyfully that my blog which had about 4200 hits before I started the UBC in April is now up to almost 6600!  I can’t thank my readers enough for taking the time for stopping in to see what’s running through my brain!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have ample time to write.
2. I am grateful that I have ample time to exercise my body.
3. I am grateful for my wonderful readers!
4. I am grateful for the strength that is rapidly returning to my muscles (and my knees are even more grateful!)
5. I am grateful for inspiration that continues to flow unchecked.

Love and light.

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