Dancing outside my comfort zone

I’ve been working diligently on falling back in like with my day job and was feeling as if I was actually making progress when one of those delightful little Universal head slaps was delivered just as I’d let my guard down and started feeling prematurely self-satisfied.  Now, I’m left wondering where best to direct my energies.  Would it serve me well to selectively fall in like with my less than perfect world or does it make more sense to either like it all or change what I don’t like?

Which raises the question, do we ever really like all aspects of  any situation or do we simply learn to take the good with the bad after performing an assessment as to whether the things we do like warrant putting up with the things we don’t?    I’m not even going to delve into the Pandora’s box surrounding making changes to the situation to better serve our needs because, frankly, I’ve learned after many years of figuratively beating myself senseless against endless brick walls that the only behavior I can change is my own and the only attitude I control is mine. Everything else constitutes either something I accept or something I walk away from. No amount of self-flagellation will change that.

In fact, I truly believe that the most valuable lesson I’ve learned in recent years is to accept.   But acceptance is a long way from falling in like. It involves finding and embracing the things which make me want to get up and start each new day in that world.  It means finding the aspects of the situation that allow me to grow or establish better habits or learn new skills.  It means weighing what I’m putting into the situation with what I believe I’m taking out or have the potential to take out to determine whether the effort and possible rewards are in balance.

And therein lies the rub. The analytical, accounting, all numbers must balance side of me already has the mental spreadsheets ready to be populated.  Meanwhile, the idealistic, head in the clouds, trying-to-bring-a- whole-bunch-of-ideas-together-to-make-a-story side of me is saying “screw the spreadsheets!  How does this make you feel?”  

As I rest back on the heels of this dilemma, I’m made painfully aware that the real issue is the internal war being waged by my multiple personalities!  Add in the ADHD and…where was I going with this anyway?

And so, once again, I find myself on the horns of a dilemma.  Do I continue on my current path or take a detour, or do I just throw caution to the wind and do something totally different?  Do I dream or do I analyze?  Which one, or neither?

For now, I think I’ll go cuddle some cats, make lunches for tomorrow and Friday and sleep on it!

Stay tuned for more Universal head slaps and ADHD moments.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who will listen to me babble and actually find some sense in my verbal meanderings.
2. I am grateful for my active lifestyle.
3. I am grateful for an abundance of time, money, love and opportunities.
4. I am grateful for project completions.
5. I am grateful for opportunities to expand my mind.

Love and light.

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