Dancing outside my comfort zone

I was a late bloomer in a lot of ways, but the one area which has most affected my life was learning to have and be a girlfriend.  I thought I was fine just being “one of the guys” as it simplified things.  No cattiness, no competing for a guy’s attention…you know how it is.

But what I lost would neither be recognized nor missed until years later, when my marriage collapsed and my mother took her life.  Suddenly, I didn’t know how to cope, but had nobody to talk to or learn from!

At the time, another single mom lived across the street and we bonded after the ’94 earthquake.  She started teaching me the ins and outs of girlfriendship, but once she got involved with the man who later became her husband, her focus changed and as she was the only girlfriend I’d managed to make, I stood alone once again.

But life has a way of changing things, and today, after years of a world devoid of all the things girlfriends can offer, I can now say that I’ve made up for the lack in ways I would never have imagined.  I have some of the most amazing, wonderful, inspiring, supportive girlfriends on earth!  Not the least of these is my own daughter who, thankfully, has not followed in her mother’s dysfunctional footsteps. 

The beauty of it all was that although I was left alone for a few years, during which I was able to release a lot of things which no longer helped to make my life what it is meant to be.  I released myself from toxic relationships, found a new, positive outlook, recognized for once and for all that doors close for a reason and it’s up to us to figure out what that reason is while looking for a window, a door, a mousehole, a cat door or a rabbit hole through which to travel to the next place on our personal path.

Being left alone isn’t always a bad thing as it gave me time to learn to love myself, seeing as how I spent so much time with me.  That isn’t to say that one person wasn’t always there through it all, and has become one of my best girlfriends.  That one person is my daughter.  And now that she has started a life of her own with her new husband, our friendship has reached new depths as she gets a better idea of why I did some of the things I did in the manner I chose.  She may not agree with them all, but she doesn’t need to, any more than I need to agree with the choices she makes.  But we support each other and give each other that very precious gift, honesty.

Now that I’ve emerged from my self-imposed chrysalis, I find myself surrounded by the most incredible people!  These are women who have found their success, their abundance, their joy in many different ways and share their wisdom freely.  They are all well-versed in the art of being a girlfriend and are showing me the way with actions rather than words.  I know that had I not gone through the process I did, I wouldn’t have been ready to accept the gifts these women offer.

They give me honesty, moral support, kicks in the butt, suggestions on how to achieve my goals…an endless list of wonderful, positive energy.  I know that wherever I’m going, I’ll get there with a little help from my friends…no, a lot of help from my friends, much of which I doubt they even realize they’re giving me, because it is a natural part of their beings.  I have so much to learn, yet, but such wonderful, amazing, inspiring teachers from whom to learn!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends.
2. I am grateful for all of the wisdom that is pouring into my life now.
3. I am grateful for the beginning of week 3 of setting a habit to go to the gym regularly.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to give back.
5. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home cuddling my cats after a busy weekend. 

Love and light

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Comments on: "April 28, 2013 In praise of Girlfriends." (2)

  1. I relate to the spending lots of time alone…I feel like I'd love to have more girlfriends, but I know that there must be ambivalence there too..or I'd have them. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Thanks for so openly sharing your story. I could feel your experience coming through your words. Although I am a guy, I can relate to the 'being alone' and feeling lost without the lack of friendships that one could turn to in times of crisis and need. Your gratitude for what you have is amazing. Blessings to you.

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