Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

Last night, I went through my usual routine, making up my breakfast and lunch for the next two days, straightening the kitchen, getting everyone medicated and their morning meds ready as well, and finally, my reward to myself, writing in my blog.  Little did I know that all of those routine activities and preparations would have to wait another day. 

Waking this morning, and hitting the snooze on my alarm an inordinate amount of times in my semi-comatose state, I finally realized,as I shifted one cat off of my hip and removed another from my head, that I wasn’t going anywhere today.  It wasn’t that I felt that bad, maybe a little achey, and nauseous, but nothing that would normally stop me from getting moving.  What I felt, instead, was what at first I believed to be a lack of motivation, for which I had no explanation, but upon rising to send an email to work, found that it was as if someone opened up my energy drain, emptied me out and left the drain plug lying beside the bed so refueling was impossible. 

Dragging myself to the kitchen when I finally woke again around noon, and finding that a cup of strong coffee did little more than prevent a caffeine withdrawal migraine from occurring, I realized that I might as well take advantage of a day of couch loafing and kitty cuddling because I just wasn’t going to find the motivation to do much else. 

That didn’t stop me, however, from fretting over all of the things I could be doing with a day at home, like, for instance, squirting some toilet cleaner into the toilet so I could at least get a bit of cleaning done.  This won’t seem odd to most people, but I’m just not a cleaner!  I try to keep things neat but have to really kick myself in the butt to do any serious scrubbing!  (and in truth, I’m overdue for that butt kicking right now!)  The point is, I felt I needed to be productive in some small way and the toilet bowl seemed like the least energetic of my choices yet it still didn’t happen! 

I can only hope that this day of being a lump will result in some amazing, energetic, earth shattering accomplishments in the next few days as compensation for what appears to be a much-needed shut down.

OK, I admit it!  I’m weak!  I’m at the mercy of my conscience!  (but I now have a clean bathroom!)  I couldn’t just top at cleaning the inside of the toilet, now, could I?  The outside had to be cleaned too!  And if the toilet was clean, the sink had to be as well!  And if the sink and toilet were clean, I couldn’t leave dusty, crusty shelves now, could I?  Could I???  Put yourself in my shoes!  And I didn’t clean the whole house or scrub floors!  Just a little bathroom cleaner and maybe a small amount of elbow grease.  And just think!  Now my day was not a complete, lazy waste! 

And so ends your first lesson in “Rationalization 101”.

As my day of unintentional rest and relaxation draws to a close, I know that I have much to be grateful for:

1. I am grateful for my kids who made sure that I was ok today.
2. I am grateful for the extra sleep I got so that I can accomplish a lot of things in the next few days.
3. I am grateful for my cats who actually let me sleep for several hours without clamoring for food.
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog and actually miss my silliness when I don’t write for a day.
5. I am grateful for my soft bed which is waiting patiently for me to climb in so I can, yet again, become a cat bed.

Love and light.

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