Dancing outside my comfort zone

I really need to learn to be more careful about what I ask for!!!  Last night, I indicated that I expected clarifying dreams and the Universe, in its constant search for more reasons to have a laugh at my expense, was happy to comply.  At first, the dreams were about weird marriage situations and Snow Queens who held off making it snow until she required an intervention.  But then came one which was so disturbing that it made me shut off the alarm instead of hitting snooze, causing me to oversleep while the dreams ran themselves out.  Although I don’t know if the disturbing dream had any other purpose except to keep me in dreamland a little longer,  it was definitely upsetting.

I was driving down a street where people were performing some kind of ritual.  I was somewhat distracted by all of the activity and didn’t see a woman crouch down right in front of my car.   By the time I saw her it was too late and I struck and killed her.  In the dream, the woman was quite revered in her community for all of the good works (though what they were wasn’t clear) she did.  I remember feeling both dismayed and horrified at what I’d done while also realizing that there really was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

Now, cut over to the dream which I believe was clarifying.  I was once again driving, this time on a familiar stretch of freeway with a long, curving downhill section.  In the dream, I kept looking away from the road to rummage through things in my car.  I would look up minutes later to find that I had safely navigated the freeway I was on without looking at the road, despite curves in the road and other cars.  I’d promise myself that I would not allow myself to be distracted any more as the idea of driving without paying attention scared the crap out of me!  But no sooner was the thought in my brain than I’d find myself looking away from the road, taking my hands off the wheel and focusing on something else again.  This happened repeatedly and when I woke up, I realized that I was being reminded that if I let go and stopped trying to control everything, I would stay on track and be safe.    Clearly, the Universe is trying to tell me that, despite my assertions that I’m putting my intentions out there and then letting go, I am still trying to control things too much and as a result, am impeding my own progress.

The realization that the dream was clearly sending me a message didn’t keep me from being extra careful on the drive to work, nor will I let down my guard for awhile, but it served to remind me that there is a fine line between when I should maintain control and when I should let go and trust in the Universe and my intentions to get me where I need to go without any interference on my part.

I finally dropped my laziness and went to the two step class tonight.  I can definitely thank my friend from the other night for giving me that added push I needed.  I worked on my turns, taking myself back to the basics.  I also talked to the instructor who watched my turns as he watched the rest of the class, then danced a song with me and said they looked fine to him.  Of course, I was concentrating on what I was doing tonight and I’m sure that made a lot of difference, as did having a good partner to dance with.  If nothing else, this was a wakeup call that my dancing is starting to get sloppy and that I need to pay more attention to what I’m doing before I lose everything I’ve learned about proper technique.  I did also find tonight that when I paid attention to techinque, I was able to follow the faster, more elaborate turns much more easily, so the reminder to pay attention, however it was delivered, was ultimately welcome.

And speaking of my “friend”, he was there tonight, though he showed up after the lessons were over because he was there for college night.  It’s funny how so many of the 40-60ish guys like to show up for college night.  They then pick the girls who can barely dance and try to play mentor.  But I guess as  long as both sides come away happy from the dancing, no real harm is done.  At any rate, he walked up while I was chatting with someone else and we spoke for a bit, but as I mentioned before, I am far too old for his tastes, and that suits me fine. 🙂  I’ve come too far to become part of someone else’s agenda, and he clearly has one, though I am not clear as to what it is, but have no desire to expend the time or energy to find out.  I merely wish him well and wish for the girls he meets that they don’t take him too seriously, but just enjoy the dancing and the witty repartee.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my strength and indpendence.
2. I am grateful that old skills have not died, but just got weak for lack of exercise.
3. I am grateful for a lovely night of dancing and visiting with friends.
4. I am grateful for a new dance (or at least new to the club) tomorrow night!
5. I am grateful for developing friendships and an expanding world.

Love and light.

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