Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

As I look back on the unusual number of times I was awakened this weekend by disturbing dreams, I can’t help wondering if the Universe is stepping up its efforts to get a message through this thick skull of mine.  In retrospect, the general theme of the dreams, regardless of the actual plot lines was sudden and tumultuous change.  In fact, I think that if I were to do a tarot spread right now, I would be less surprised by the appearance of the Tower card than by its omission.  Perhaps my actions were driven by this subconscious knowledge that my life will soon be following an entirely different path.

Along with the production of an enormous vat of soup, I stocked up on food for my furry children which, by itself isn’t tremendously unusual as I always try to have a couple of months worth in the house at any given time.  I also emptied my freezer of most of the spoiled items last weekend and will continue the process this week.  In fact, I had so much space in the freezer that I was able to put the entire soup pot inside to chill!  

I’m finding that I’m watching very little TV, preferring to either work on tasks around the house, run errands, read or work on the computer.  My book-which-will-someday-be-written has also been on my mind a lot lately as I continue to try to figure out what it is I want to actually write about.  It even occurred to me that these tumultuous dreams are my imagination looking for an outlet.  They certainly are not only vivid enough, but are leaving their imprints on my brain! 

I came across a term someone coined today which resonated with me as to what might be causing my disconnect and crazy dreams, and which ties right into the emotional releases my massage therapist did for me this weekend.  The term is “karmic knots” and to me, it means those emotional stopping points where you are holding on to events without even realizing it.  What I’ve been finding with the treatments I’ve been receiving is that sometimes, it’s not even your own baggage!  We can, potentially, be carrying some fear, disappointment, guilt or other unhelpful emotion which by all rights belongs to a parent or a sibling!  In my case, I believe it is a by-product of taking too much responsibility upon myself for how events unfold.    To simplify, instead of being “entitled”, I’m an entitler, which is not be confused with an enabler (which I have, during parts of my life, been as well!).  Although I didn’t realize these emotional suitcases were there until recently, I have no trouble understanding how they got there, if not the why as well.

Unlike being one of the many who feel entitled, or being an enabler, I don’t believe that being an entitler is necessarily all bad.  Sure, in the long run, it makes life harder for that one person, but in order to end up as an entitler, one must first be very aware of their own responsibility for situations within their control.    But the key words here are “within their control”.  Some of us take it further than necessary and take responsibility for our own actions and thoughts as well as anyone within thinking distance.  At that point, we acquire someone else’s karmic knots and, frankly, deprive them of the opportunity to learn the lessons necessary to untie the knots themselves. 

I can only speak for myself and say that it took me a lot of years and many disappointments to finally learn that I can’t fix things for another person, and the more I try, the less they try, and their lessons stretch out before them, often appearing to be more difficult than need be because I wasn’t just getting out of the way and leaving them to it.  I knew on a conscious level that this was so, but the subconscious part of me, the fixer, the entitler and yes, the enabler overruled me for a long time which allowed me to stunt the development of people around me.

It’s interesting though, that as I become more aware of such things in myself, I begin to notice them more in others as well, and, in fact, see that path I might have continued upon had I not started paying attention to my own cause and effect.   I see so many of these people struggling to carry, not only their own load, but that of family, friends and even strangers.  All this really accomplishes is to draw them further from their purpose, further from their own path as they take a lot of detours trying to help others who would be much better off figuring things out on their own.  But to be fair, this may be the path they need to tread in order to learn their own next lesson.  As I’ve seen mentioned rather frequently lately, we repeat the lessons life gives us as many times as necessary for us to learn them.   Some people are able to see that trying to fix things for everyone is a losing proposition a lot sooner than others.  Perhaps some have chosen a life path in which they spend their entire life trying to learn this one particular lesson because for them, it is one of the most difficult to fully internalize.  In which case, I suppose I’m happy for them that they are presented with enough opportunities to try to fix people.

For yet another topic change, I was reminded today that our own faith enables us to see things which others might not.  I was struggling to understand a post from a friend and finally had to admit that all I saw from the quote she had shared was a selfish, egotistical person who would only offer assistance to those who agreed to be like him.  My friend, on the other hand, saw the words as an expression of love in its purest sense.  Her faith allowed her to see something which was completely invisible to me.  The beauty of faith is that there is no right or wrong.  You believe or you don’t as you see fit, but that belief is personal to you and should be respected by others who simply believe differently.  I am grateful for the gentle reminder to be open to different perspectives, be it an issue of faith or simply a discussion involving different points of view.  There is a lot to be learned by just listening to someone else’s perspective.

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for lessons both old and new.
2. I am grateful for friends who exemplify Love.
3. I am grateful for opportunities to grow both Spiritually and Humanly.
4. I am grateful for increased energy and decreased appetite.
5. I am grateful for a warm, soft bed filled with kitties waiting to snuggle.

Love and light.

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