Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

I’m being inspired to write today.  I don’t know why or how or what.  I just have a little gremlin in my brain which is telling me to start typing and the muse will come.  So here I am, with “Age of Aquarius” running through my head, giving that little gremlin what it wants. 

I woke up to a beautiful, day after Apocalypse morning and all I can say is “wow!”  If this is what it looks like after the world comes to an end, I’d say we’re in darn good shape!  In fact, contrary to popular belief, it’s rather on the cold side!  Oh wait!  I’ve got it!  Hell did freeze over!!!  Could it be that the doomsayers had it all wrong?  Could the real change be that the devil has finally been trounced by love?  Has he traded in his pitchfork for a harp?  And what would Nostradamus say about all of the commotion?

I find that I am easily distracted, though.  I’ll wander off on little tangents, searching the internet, checking Facebook, petting the cat who is flinging herself against my legs with no small force…  In a word, lollygagging.  Clearly, the muse wants me to write, but doesn’t have any great profundity in mind. 

As Christmas is now imminent, I have to make a major push to finish the wrapping0, though, really, I have most of it done.  What is left are the things that take more time and thought:  Undies which must be wrapped in such a way that they beat last year’s craziness, books which must be inscribed before they are wrapped and Ferraro Roches which I made the mistake of wrapping individually a few years ago, and which my daughter got such a kick out of that she wants them that way every year!  It does, at least, use up all of those little scraps of wrapping paper!  Plans are also underway for our traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner, though we’re breaking away from the Chinese food of yore due to less than exemplary service at the restaurant we’d patronized for years.  This year, we’ll gather around the Teppan table to begin our crazy, mixed up version of the Christmas celebration. 

We’ll be gathering the goodies for Christmas breakfast tomorrow, which will also prove to be rather eclectic.  Heather began the tradition of Caprisi salad last year and Mathom and I liked it so much, especially with her fresh pesto, that we insist that the tradition continue.  This year, we decided that we want some Chanukah with our Christmas so latkes are also on the menu.  I’m not sure yet whether we’ll scramble our eggs or make Heather’s crustless egg pie, but either way, we’ll be yumming!  The kids also want to make use of Mathom’s new Belgian waffle iron.  It’s beginning to sound a lot like Sunday brunch at Marie Callendars (except for the latkes, of course!) 

The house will be filled with family, friends and love.  A small part of me wishes that my daughter, Jenni, would try to be part of the family, but I know that this year won’t be that time.  I’ll miss having my granddaughter be part of the fun and chaos, but I hope she’ll think of us a little as she opens the gifts her Aunt Heather and I couldn’t help buying and wrapping for her.  They are such a small measure of what I wanted to do, but given the current rift with her mother, it was more than I expected to do.  I just couldn’t resist a couple of things!  And knowing that reminds me that whatever happens between her mother and me, she will always be in my heart. 

And speaking of hearts, mine is just bursting with love for my life, my family, my friends, people in general…  I find myself smiling broadly at everyone I meet, be it a stranger, a clerk in a store, a host/hostess in a restaurant.  Everyone is the recipient of a beaming smile and a gratitude filled “thank you”, whether they like it or not! 

I had an interesting dream last night.  It seems I was interviewing young men for a position in my household. The position wasn’t really clear, only one of the young men I was interviewing.  I was apparently on the second round of interviews because the man I was interviewing had left a notebook when he’d been there before.  I had moved it to a small stack of notebooks on an end table when I was straightening up, and nearly forgot to give it to him when he left.  When the interview was over and I’d pretty much decided to hire him, I was talking to a woman who was supposed to be my mother.  She was criticizing the way he was dressed (plaid, short sleeved dress shirt) and asking if I was sure that he was right for the job.  I was speaking quietly to her, explaining that that was the current mode of dress when he came back into the house, having forgotten something.  My “mother” was afraid he’d overheard our conversation but I assured her that I was speaking so softly that only she could have heard what I said.  As I walked him back to the door, he made as if to kiss me, but I put up my hand and told him that this would be strictly business.  After he left, my “mother” handed me the most awful shirt I’d ever seen, saying it was more appropriate for my new employee.  I tried it on and found that it reached nearly to the floor and had huge, flared sleeves.  Laughing, I took it off and said that it was extremely inappropriate and that the way he chose to dress was fine.  At that point, I was awoken by hungry, impatient kitties, so the dream didn’t get to show me what came next.  I did find myself confused by the fact that, in the dream, I was considerably younger than I am now. 

As I think about it, I’m almost always a lot younger in my dreams!  I wonder why?  Could that be part of the reason I have not dated in a long time?  Am I putting out signals to the wrong generation?  That is definitely one of those things that makes me  go “hmmmmm”.   What doesn’t quite fit is the fact that I really do find men of my generation attractive.  OK, some of the ones I find attractive are in their 40’s instead of 50’s or 60’s, but since most people are shocked to find out I’m such an old bat, maybe it’s all part of the picture.  And maybe men of my generation think I’m too young for them?  But it’s not something I really dwell on.  Whoever is out there for me won’t be concerned with the numbers on my calendar, nor will I be concerned with his.  Our connection will be on a much higher level and encompass much more important things than numbers (which sounds odd coming from a numbers person like me!) 

All I can say is, I entered this holiday season months early as usual, full of hope, joy and goodwill.  My goal is to keep this feeling going in spite of, or maybe because of, life’s little twists and turns. 

Which reminds me of another dream sequence from last night.  I received a check for a couple of thousand dollars, followed quickly by a couple of more checks, paying off what I was owed by the contractor.  It seems that he sold something, though it wasn’t clear whether it was a vehicle or a building, so he could repay his debt and get back in business.  This one, I’m sure, was just because I had mentally resigned myself to the fact that it was very likely I’d never see the money, but that he can never work as a licensed contractor in California again as a result of his actions.

Life’s twists and turns are great places to learn new things as I adapt to the changes or learn something new so I can rise above them.  I look forward to more of them as this new era unfolds.

My gratitudes this morning (as I do plan to write some more tonight) are:
1. I am grateful for life’s twists and turns.
2. I am grateful for little gremlins who encourage me to step outside of my box.
3. I am grateful for joy and good cheer this holiday season.
4. I am grateful for the beginning of a new era of love, trust, truth, cooperation and growth.
5. I am grateful for the ability to help others who haven’t had the opportunities and advantages I’ve been given.

Love and light.

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