Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

The end of a very pleasant four day weekend is drawing to a close.  The days were filled with family, food and fun, but soon it will be time to return to my responsibilities.  Sure, I did a lot of cleaning and cleaning up, cooking, shopping and such, but I still got to sleep as late as I felt like it and didn’t have to leave the house if I didn’t want to (although I really only stayed home one full day, and was making soup while I did so).  We never did manage to get out to see Rise of the Guardians, but there will be other days. 

I did get plenty of exercise, cooking, cleaning and walking.  With all of our shopping jaunts the last couple of days, I’m sure I put a few miles on my feet!  My legs and hips were sure telling a tale of their woes, so I guess I overdid it a bit, but what’s a little pain when you get hours of fun with your kids?  It’s all worth it, and the dancing last night was stupendous as well! 

I have my healthy lunch and breakfast ready to go in the refrigerator and the coffee pot ready to fill with hot water.  All is right with my world.  Or is it?

I raised an issue yesterday and gained some amazing insight from three ladies in particular who I love and respect.  But the real epiphany came from me.  I realized that I don’t have a single really close girlfriend right now.  I have several who I talk to and feel close to, but we only see each other on occasion and are busy with our own lives.  I watch people at Borderline and hear about their activities with each other outside of the club.  Other than my daughter and son-in-law and one of their friends, I can count on one hand the times I’ve socialized with any of my Borderline friends, and still have fingers left over.  This all leads up to my epiphany with regard to my daughter’s perception of my, let’s call it, datability.  If I cannot connect with people in friendship, how can I expect to connect with someone special? 

That isn’t to say that I don’t talk to people, remember things about them, and look forward to seeing them.  I’ve exchanged phone numbers and facebook accounts, but I have yet to really connect with any of them.  It appears that what I think is me being caring and open is simply a step on my path towards that point, but I haven’t really gotten there yet.  I admit, I’m envious of the people who are always posting pictures of a group who seems to go everywhere together.  I would like at least one girlfriend I could call, or who could call me and say, hey, let’s go do such and such tonight. 

The problem, in part, is that so many of my friends are part of a couple, and I’m not.  I know, no matter what people might say, that this can pose a problem.  Either they have to plan an evening away from their husbands or boyfriends, or I’m a fifth wheel and I sure don’t want to be the one to make anyone feel uncomfortable!  I would love to find a friend or two or three with whom I could go to a play or a comedy club or something once in awhile, or even go further afield to dance on occasion.  I’m afraid I’ve gotten myself into a rut and am, contrary to what I’d like to believe, stuck in my comfort zone.  And it appears that my comfort zone houses somewhat of a loner. 

You’d think I’d get enough alone time, coming home to a house empty of other humans, but I really do like the time I spend alone.  I would also enjoy getting out and doing different things with other humans so I don’t loaf on the couch or in front of the computer quite so often. 

So it appears I’m at a crossroads where I need to find that path which leads out of my comfort zone and into the place where the magic happens!  As I grab my staff and my pack, the destination is vague.  It’s the journey which is important.  Tally Ho!

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for friends who help me work out puzzles.
2. I am grateful for new horizons.
3. I am grateful for Aha moments.
4. I am grateful for new, wonderful, inspiring friendships.
5. I am grateful for adventures which lead to lessons which lead to more adventures.

Love and light.

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