I definitely have my happy on! I’ve gotten back into my good routines and range of motion is increasing by the day on my knee! Breakfast and lunch are made for tomorrow, coffee pot is ready to go and the kitchen is put back to rights. Even the cat’s plates are clean and waiting for tomorrow’s breakfast. And, best of all, here I sit, writing again, and counting my many blessings.
Munchkin isn’t quite as thrilled since my sitting down to write delays my becoming her soft, warm bed. But what she doesn’t yet realize is that by sitting down and writing before I go to bed, I settle down much faster so she doesn’t get disturbed as much by my tossing and turning. She is, however, sitting on the other chair, waiting somewhat patiently, or as patiently as a cat can wait!
It’s funny how, no matter how crazy my life has been over the years, I’ve managed to find ways to carve out “me time” and in those periods of time when I’ve failed to do so, I’ve found myself sinking into a very sad, depressed state. I need not only solitude to read, write or just futz, but I also need the social activities like dancing and going to plays or concerts. It all feeds the soul in its own way. Talking to a co-worker who is the single mom of teenage girls, I see how the effort I made to carve out that time, despite the fact that it might have taken me away from my girls at times, was necessary and important. My stress levels would have hit about DEFCON 5 had I not done so. Yes, I remember times when I exploded or melted down. What single parent hasn’t at one time or another, overwhelmed by holding down a job, maintaining a home and finding enough time for the kids? But it’s all part of the circle and all part of the lessons.
Sure, I look back and see that some of the things I did may have pushed one daughter or another into something I would rather she hadn’t done, and in retrospect, I shouldn’t have either. But it’s done and gone and I can’t change it now. Yet, there are still areas for which I need to forgive myself instead of feeling regret or shame. I made the choices I did for a reason, and gained valuable lessons from them, and often painful ones, but they were lessons which helped me to grow and to realize that I had to learn to love and appreciate myself first. The road had a lot of switchbacks because in some areas I’m a very slow learner. But what a beautiful view I have now that I’ve mastered that lesson and reached the summit. I love me and I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation. It’s not that I go out of my way to offend anyone, but frankly, if they don’t like me, that’s ok. I’m not here to make anyone happy but myself. If something I do out of my own happiness brings joy to another, that’s wonderful, but it isn’t my purpose.
A friend told me a story recently about how she and her husband spent a day making small bouquets and dropping them off at people’s houses. It brought them great joy to do this small thing, and the joy it brought to others was the bonus.
If I pay someone a compliment and it makes them smile, I’m happy that it made them smile, but I pay the compliment because it feels good to me. Their smile is a delightful bonus. But if they just took the compliment and shrugged it off, that would be ok too.
This may all sound very selfish, and perhaps, in a way, it is, but the reality is, we have to make ourselves happy first. Out of that happiness comes positive energy which affects everything around us, but false happiness does not create that energy. Only the real deal can affect the world around us.
So my mission for this week is to find my happiness more often and to spread it around like honey on bread. I will complain less and find the good more, no matter how frustrating a situation I may find myself in. I will do everything in my power to take a step back and find something good in every situation, every encounter, every challenge I meet this week. And may it soon become yet another new habit.
My gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful for happiness and joy.
2. I am grateful for continued improvement and a full dance schedule.
3. I am grateful for my job and all of the extra work that is coming my way.
4. I am grateful that the life I envision for myself is even better than my visions!
5. I am grateful for friends who allow me to share in the positivity they practice.
Love and light.