Dancing outside my comfort zone

As I was getting my nails done tonight after a long, crazy day (which, for the record, didn’t slow down again until sometime after 8PM!), our conversation wandered here, there and everywhere, and included discussions of old friendships, my remodel, this blog and why things happen the way they do.  As I thought about the last one,  and linked it to the remodel which is, for all intents and purposes, still on hold, I had an epiphany.  My remodel, like the past weekend’s major decluttering operation, didn’t happen yet because, in reality, I wasn’t, and probably am still not, ready for it to occur.  Changing the layout of my house is a huge change for me, a real lifestyle change, and I had gone into it without enough thought, and definitely without a really good idea of what it was I really wanted.  In short, I was settling, and the Universe being what it is, refused to allow that to happen!  Instead, I encountered roadblock after roadblock, each of which I patiently worked through until I reached the final, show stopping one which put me where I am today, and was further exacerbated by the necessity of focusing on Heather’s wedding to the exclusion of all other major projects. 

The long hiatus has given me time to reassess what I’ve envisioned and I’ve found that it lacks a lot!  For instance, I never really did a logical comparison of the pros and cons of building up as opposed to out.  I didn’t have a good plan (not that my contractor had a clue about developing a project plan) as to the logistics of living in a construction zone with my band of furry children.  I thought I had it figured out but my contractor, as it turns out, was just paying me lip service and had no intention, or really any idea of how to make sure I was able to live in part of the house while he worked on another.  Clearly, in hindsight, I did not choose well, but then, in hindsight, the timing was all wrong anyway!  I had not yet made space in my life for the changes I was loosely envisioning! 

So now, here I am, more than a year later, and I’m finally starting to see things more clearly, and even more, I’m finally starting to actually make space in my life for major changes.  Whether I go ahead with the complete remodel, just re-do the kitchen, knock out a wall or two or something else entirely isn’t the issue.  What matters right now is the clarity that is coming, the evolution I’m experiencing as I move from one place in my life to another which is completely blank right now, with no expectations or preconceived notions.  It is a sparkling clean canvas just waiting for something beautiful and exciting and new to grow on it’s pristine surface in technicolor, three-dimensional glory! 

When I tell people that things have not yet been resolved, I also add, with complete faith that they will all reach the right conclusion at the proper time, and in a much more amazing configuration than I, alone, could have envisioned. 

So, what is it I’ve really learned?  You have to put your ideas out to the Universe and, the bigger and grander they are, the more you have to trust that over time, they will develop into what they are meant to be.  When you encounter roadblocks, while it is important to work through them, it is even more important to recognize when those roadblocks are red flags telling you that you’re trying to hard to control the outcome and that you need to stand back and observe for a bit because you’re getting so caught up in the miniscule details that you have lost sight, not only of the big picture, but of the real purpose and the original idea.    So the short answer to the question with which I started this paragraph is “I’ve learned that many times, it is better to let go and exercise patience than to force something that’s not right in the first place.”

So today, I find myself on an evolution revolution, and like the roller coaster, I think I’ll just hold on  and enjoy the ride, the journey and the surprises that wait around the next double corkscrew, loop de loop and long, fast ride down!

Love and light.

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